Posts
In Wisconsin, you will hear debates about relative merits of applying salt or sand to the roads during the winter. In Texas, according to Emmitt Smith anyway, they also use dirt.
"So Dallas is prepared for everything. Matter of fact, we have equipment already on the ground in case we get snow and ice all at the same time. So the equipment is already there and ready to rock and roll. Just to go and put the dirt on the roads, the salt on the roads just to de-ice everything."
-- ESPN's Emmitt Smith, explaining the intricacies of taking ice off the roads in advance of Super Bowl XLV in Dallas.
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Aunt Stella
Labels:
Health,
Humor,
Random Stuff,
Seniors
My aunt Stella Wood recently passed away at the remarkable age of 106. I received a copy of the eulogy delivered by her daughter-in-law. I found it delightful and unexpectedly humorous.
Anyway, from my childhood I recall Aunt Stella as acutely intelligent with a regrettably sharp eye for funny business. Despite her churchly ways, she had an uncanny sense of when boys might be acting like boys. I liked her in a distant sort of way.
I am posting it here with only some small deletions of little interest to most readers. I had originally thought to delete some of the religious invocations near the end of the eulogy, but decided they should stay in because her religion was central to defining her life. And we're talking the old-time religion of the Southern Baptists, not some watered-down Protestant sect.
Stella Florence Edmison Wood
October 16, 1904 to January 10, 2011
I am Taunya Wood the only remaining daughter-in-law of Stella, and the family member...that knew her the shortest period of time, just 34 years. Even though I didn’t meet Stella until she was 73 years old, which for most of us will be in our elderly years, it was for Stella part of her middle-aged years.
Stella was born on October 16, 1904 near Harmony, Illinois to John Robert and Laura Edmison. She had two younger brothers, Arthur and Krekel, both who died before Stella but both lived into their 90’s. She lived in the Harmony area on a farm until she was in 8th grade and the family moved to Mt. Vernon, Illinois. Other than a brief period after she married, in which she lived in West Virginia, she spent her entire life in Mt. Vernon. After the family moved into Mt. Vernon she attended Mt. Vernon High School where she graduated. She worked after high school in the Ham Bank until it was closed.
She began dating Kenneth Glee Wood in high school and married him in 1928. He was the only love of her live for 35 years and remained that until the end as she had several marriage proposals after his death but turned them all down as she didn’t want to take care of any old men. Stella was active in the Mt. Vernon’s Women’s Club, the Daughter’s of the American Revolution or DAR, and the Mission Group at Logan Street Baptist Church, and the Sunday School program at Logan Street Baptist Church.
If I had to summarize Stella’s personality in just a phrase it would be a “family and people person.” She loved to talk and could talk to anyone. Even in the nursing home Stella was matched with a deaf lady as her roommate because Stella talked continually disturbing others. She was a great story teller and loved to tell stories of her past. She also loved to tell anyone who would listen but particularly her grandchildren about every object in her home, where it came from and who was to get it upon her passing. I was able to attend one of her Women’s Club Meetings and as she worked the room of her friends she was able to greet and speak to all. She would regularly go to “the old folks home” to visit those she knew. She would spend time with each person and then gracefully make an exit.
Family was very important to Stella...She had two sons, Richard and Robert and a baby girl Lorita who died shortly after birth. Stella parented her children with much wisdom and matched their wits with an equal amount of stubbornness. Richard recalls the time he decided to run away from home because he was mad at his mom. He was about 5 years old when he made this major decision. His mom didn’t argue but went to the kitchen made a sandwich, tied it up in a bandana on a pole and helped him out of the house sending him on his way down the street. Richard said he walked to the end of the block, decided he had made a bad decision, turned around, and walked back home.
Bob has a similar story of his mom’s persistence and parenting techniques. Bob was about 12 years old and had been told by his mom to put the screens on the window and he had not done the task but was lying on the bed instead. Stella took her flyswatter and used it on Bob’s backside. After a good swat or two the end of the flyswatter flew out the window. She turned around walked outside to get the end of it, put it back on came back and proceeded to continue her discipline on Bob. The end flew off again and out the window. She again walked outside picking it up but by the time she returned Bob was hysterical with laughter and Stella wisely turned and walked away.
Stella maintained her parenting authority over her sons until the last years of her life. Somewhere about the age of 99 or 100, Richard came to visit his mother during the summer and was wearing walking shorts showing his legs. Stella took one look at him and told him those shorts had to go as they did not look good on him and he needed to wear his pants. Richard hasn’t worn a pair of walking shorts since then.
Stella was a modern working mom before working mothers were in vogue. She began working with Glee in the L.S. Wood Printing shop about 1946 when she would have been 42 yrs old and continued working after Glee passed away in 1963. In 1975 when she turned 71 yrs old, Bob persuaded her it was time to give up working at the shop and retire. Stella continued to let him know for at least 3 months that this was a major mistake before she finally accepted retirement.
The longevity of Stella’s life gave her much insight into many of the changes that life brought in the 20th and 21st century. Stella started her life with a horse and buggy. She married Glee whose love for travel was embedded into the family life...she traveled by car with Glee and her sons and usually other family members or friends to all 48 continuous states, Mexico and Canada. Glee usually gave her notice about noon that the family would leave the next morning to go on some road trip he had planned. Stella was always ready to go. In 1975, Stella flew on an airplane for the first time to London to visit all of Europe and Turkey. In her late 70’s and early 80’s she traveled to Alaska and Hawaii so that she could say she had been in 50 states.
I also remember she received her first microwave when she was in her early 80’s. She didn’t really think she needed one but agreed to accept the gift. Several years later this microwave went out and she insisted it be replaced as she couldn’t cook without it. We tried to get Stella into the computer world but at 100 years old she never could get the hang of email. She much preferred to use her old Royal typewriter to type her weekly letters to those she corresponded with. The Royal typewriter gave out because we could no longer find the typewriter tape to fit it.
Stella loved to drive her car. She drove to the airport in St. Louis and to state conventions in Chicago until into her mid 80’s. She was the local driver for all of her lady friends around Mt. Vernon and would do a pick up for church or Woman’s Club Meetings. At the age of 92, after calls from the local law enforcement about several fender benders, Bob finally called Richard and said, “We have to take Mother’s car away.” Even at the age of 102 she was still complaining about her freedom being taken away when the boys took away her car.
Stella moved in with her parents in the late 1960’s as they needed help with their care. She continued living in their small house at 1708 Logan Street until the age of 90. She took care of the house, gardened in the back, and mowed the yard with a push rotating motor, no gasoline and washed her clothes with a wringer washer and hung them on the line to dry. Finally she decided the yard work was too much and she sold the house and moved into an apartment. She lived at the Tanglewood Apartments where she met a group of other widowed ladies and they started a Skipbo group that played cards several times a week. At the age of 99, Stella finally agreed even the apartment was too much and decided to move to assisted living at Greentree. She enjoyed her almost 5 years there. She lived at Greentree until 104 when her health and mind would no longer allow her independent living and she moved into Countryside Manor.
Stella loved being a grandmother to her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I was not around when the older grandchildren were young, but my daughter spent many hours playing games such as checkers, Chinese checkers, Uno and SkipBo with her grandmother. She was very proud of the many things her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren accomplished throughout their lives and would proudly tell anyone who wanted to listen...The family owes a special tribute to her granddaughter Leesa who has for the past several years been Stella’s advocate and caregiver both emotionally and physically...
Stella was a very strong willed person with a gentle heart for people. Bob remembers a story about when Stella and Glee would have a disagreement and Glee would turn up at his parents’ house alone and his parent’s would know that he and Stella would have had a spat. Glee would walk out and Stella would be doing the talking. She had no problem telling people what she thought if given the opportunity. Recently, a young lady was visiting with Stella and complaining about problems with her boyfriend. Stella’s word of advice was to the point and filled with the wisdom of her age. She simply replied, “Honey, if you hitch your wagon to a jackass, don’t be surprised if you step in manure.” How true, how true!
For all of the spunkiness that Stella exhibited the most important trait and the one she would want to be remembered for is her faith in Jesus Christ...Stella taught Sunday School at Logan Street Baptist Church for 58 years. During those years she taught a Junior High Class, a High School Class and an adult ladies class. She also played the piano for these classes and was asked to be organist at one time at Logan Street but turned that down because she didn’t feel she could commit to it regularly due to the family traveling. I had the privilege of hearing Stella teach her senior adult ladies, most who were at least 20 years younger than Stella. She was a well studied Biblical scholar who could deliver a well planned lesson and apply it to today. She spent hours preparing for her class each week.
At about the age of 94 she gave up teaching because it made her nervous to have to study so much because she couldn’t remember as much as in the past so she had to study more and write everything she said down. I also recall Stella reading her Bible every single day of her life until her eyesight gave out. She gave her tithe to the church every month for as long as she handled her finances.
Most important of all she lived her life as an example of faith and loved people without judgment for who they were or where they had been. She feed the hungry and gave to the poor. She believed in missions and worked through her church to be a part of that. Stella grew up Methodist but after she and Glee married they joined Logan Street Baptist church. Her dedication to church is certainly a marvel that few people can claim these days, but that is not what impressed me most about Stella. It was her deep and profound Biblical understandings and her attempt to live them out. Stella had read the scriptures, thought about them, talked about them and applied them, to influence the lives of the people she encountered. She was not pushy with her faith, but she was solid in what she believed, and she knew why she believed it. She had encountered God in her life and she would share it when asked. My favorite story is the one she told about the birth of Richard. It apparently was a very tough and long birth. She was very weak and as time would later tell, Richard had been born with a hole in his heart, so he was not the strongest of babies. She says that as she lay in bed after the delivery she looked up and on each of the post of the bed there were 4 angels surrounding the bed. They assured her that everything would be alright. When she told the story she would say, “And I saw those angels just like I see you now.” I’ve never doubted the existence of angels since.
One of Stella’s favorite biblical subjects was heaven. She had read all of the scriptures and knew about the mansions of gold but she believed with all her heart that upon her death that she would be met by Glee and her mother and others that she knew here on earth. They would be there to lead her to Jesus. Once she got to see Jesus she believed she would no longer need to recognize her earthly loved ones because the glory that would surround the presence of God would be such that nothing else would matter. Stella had strongly prayed for about 5 years that God would take her home. Last Monday He answered that prayer and the celebration began for Stella. We are grateful O God, for the 106 plus years we knew Stella on this earth and for the many people whose lives were, and have been changed because of her influence and her profound study and understanding of scriptures. Help us to understand what Stella understood, that finding our way into Your presence is the only thing that matters. We celebrate with Stella knowing that today she is surrounded with thousands of angels as she stands in the presence of the Almighty God!
Anyway, from my childhood I recall Aunt Stella as acutely intelligent with a regrettably sharp eye for funny business. Despite her churchly ways, she had an uncanny sense of when boys might be acting like boys. I liked her in a distant sort of way.
I am posting it here with only some small deletions of little interest to most readers. I had originally thought to delete some of the religious invocations near the end of the eulogy, but decided they should stay in because her religion was central to defining her life. And we're talking the old-time religion of the Southern Baptists, not some watered-down Protestant sect.
Stella Florence Edmison Wood
October 16, 1904 to January 10, 2011
I am Taunya Wood the only remaining daughter-in-law of Stella, and the family member...that knew her the shortest period of time, just 34 years. Even though I didn’t meet Stella until she was 73 years old, which for most of us will be in our elderly years, it was for Stella part of her middle-aged years.
Stella was born on October 16, 1904 near Harmony, Illinois to John Robert and Laura Edmison. She had two younger brothers, Arthur and Krekel, both who died before Stella but both lived into their 90’s. She lived in the Harmony area on a farm until she was in 8th grade and the family moved to Mt. Vernon, Illinois. Other than a brief period after she married, in which she lived in West Virginia, she spent her entire life in Mt. Vernon. After the family moved into Mt. Vernon she attended Mt. Vernon High School where she graduated. She worked after high school in the Ham Bank until it was closed.
She began dating Kenneth Glee Wood in high school and married him in 1928. He was the only love of her live for 35 years and remained that until the end as she had several marriage proposals after his death but turned them all down as she didn’t want to take care of any old men. Stella was active in the Mt. Vernon’s Women’s Club, the Daughter’s of the American Revolution or DAR, and the Mission Group at Logan Street Baptist Church, and the Sunday School program at Logan Street Baptist Church.
If I had to summarize Stella’s personality in just a phrase it would be a “family and people person.” She loved to talk and could talk to anyone. Even in the nursing home Stella was matched with a deaf lady as her roommate because Stella talked continually disturbing others. She was a great story teller and loved to tell stories of her past. She also loved to tell anyone who would listen but particularly her grandchildren about every object in her home, where it came from and who was to get it upon her passing. I was able to attend one of her Women’s Club Meetings and as she worked the room of her friends she was able to greet and speak to all. She would regularly go to “the old folks home” to visit those she knew. She would spend time with each person and then gracefully make an exit.
Family was very important to Stella...She had two sons, Richard and Robert and a baby girl Lorita who died shortly after birth. Stella parented her children with much wisdom and matched their wits with an equal amount of stubbornness. Richard recalls the time he decided to run away from home because he was mad at his mom. He was about 5 years old when he made this major decision. His mom didn’t argue but went to the kitchen made a sandwich, tied it up in a bandana on a pole and helped him out of the house sending him on his way down the street. Richard said he walked to the end of the block, decided he had made a bad decision, turned around, and walked back home.
Bob has a similar story of his mom’s persistence and parenting techniques. Bob was about 12 years old and had been told by his mom to put the screens on the window and he had not done the task but was lying on the bed instead. Stella took her flyswatter and used it on Bob’s backside. After a good swat or two the end of the flyswatter flew out the window. She turned around walked outside to get the end of it, put it back on came back and proceeded to continue her discipline on Bob. The end flew off again and out the window. She again walked outside picking it up but by the time she returned Bob was hysterical with laughter and Stella wisely turned and walked away.
Stella maintained her parenting authority over her sons until the last years of her life. Somewhere about the age of 99 or 100, Richard came to visit his mother during the summer and was wearing walking shorts showing his legs. Stella took one look at him and told him those shorts had to go as they did not look good on him and he needed to wear his pants. Richard hasn’t worn a pair of walking shorts since then.
Stella was a modern working mom before working mothers were in vogue. She began working with Glee in the L.S. Wood Printing shop about 1946 when she would have been 42 yrs old and continued working after Glee passed away in 1963. In 1975 when she turned 71 yrs old, Bob persuaded her it was time to give up working at the shop and retire. Stella continued to let him know for at least 3 months that this was a major mistake before she finally accepted retirement.
The longevity of Stella’s life gave her much insight into many of the changes that life brought in the 20th and 21st century. Stella started her life with a horse and buggy. She married Glee whose love for travel was embedded into the family life...she traveled by car with Glee and her sons and usually other family members or friends to all 48 continuous states, Mexico and Canada. Glee usually gave her notice about noon that the family would leave the next morning to go on some road trip he had planned. Stella was always ready to go. In 1975, Stella flew on an airplane for the first time to London to visit all of Europe and Turkey. In her late 70’s and early 80’s she traveled to Alaska and Hawaii so that she could say she had been in 50 states.
I also remember she received her first microwave when she was in her early 80’s. She didn’t really think she needed one but agreed to accept the gift. Several years later this microwave went out and she insisted it be replaced as she couldn’t cook without it. We tried to get Stella into the computer world but at 100 years old she never could get the hang of email. She much preferred to use her old Royal typewriter to type her weekly letters to those she corresponded with. The Royal typewriter gave out because we could no longer find the typewriter tape to fit it.
Stella loved to drive her car. She drove to the airport in St. Louis and to state conventions in Chicago until into her mid 80’s. She was the local driver for all of her lady friends around Mt. Vernon and would do a pick up for church or Woman’s Club Meetings. At the age of 92, after calls from the local law enforcement about several fender benders, Bob finally called Richard and said, “We have to take Mother’s car away.” Even at the age of 102 she was still complaining about her freedom being taken away when the boys took away her car.
Stella moved in with her parents in the late 1960’s as they needed help with their care. She continued living in their small house at 1708 Logan Street until the age of 90. She took care of the house, gardened in the back, and mowed the yard with a push rotating motor, no gasoline and washed her clothes with a wringer washer and hung them on the line to dry. Finally she decided the yard work was too much and she sold the house and moved into an apartment. She lived at the Tanglewood Apartments where she met a group of other widowed ladies and they started a Skipbo group that played cards several times a week. At the age of 99, Stella finally agreed even the apartment was too much and decided to move to assisted living at Greentree. She enjoyed her almost 5 years there. She lived at Greentree until 104 when her health and mind would no longer allow her independent living and she moved into Countryside Manor.
Stella loved being a grandmother to her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I was not around when the older grandchildren were young, but my daughter spent many hours playing games such as checkers, Chinese checkers, Uno and SkipBo with her grandmother. She was very proud of the many things her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren accomplished throughout their lives and would proudly tell anyone who wanted to listen...The family owes a special tribute to her granddaughter Leesa who has for the past several years been Stella’s advocate and caregiver both emotionally and physically...
Stella was a very strong willed person with a gentle heart for people. Bob remembers a story about when Stella and Glee would have a disagreement and Glee would turn up at his parents’ house alone and his parent’s would know that he and Stella would have had a spat. Glee would walk out and Stella would be doing the talking. She had no problem telling people what she thought if given the opportunity. Recently, a young lady was visiting with Stella and complaining about problems with her boyfriend. Stella’s word of advice was to the point and filled with the wisdom of her age. She simply replied, “Honey, if you hitch your wagon to a jackass, don’t be surprised if you step in manure.” How true, how true!
For all of the spunkiness that Stella exhibited the most important trait and the one she would want to be remembered for is her faith in Jesus Christ...Stella taught Sunday School at Logan Street Baptist Church for 58 years. During those years she taught a Junior High Class, a High School Class and an adult ladies class. She also played the piano for these classes and was asked to be organist at one time at Logan Street but turned that down because she didn’t feel she could commit to it regularly due to the family traveling. I had the privilege of hearing Stella teach her senior adult ladies, most who were at least 20 years younger than Stella. She was a well studied Biblical scholar who could deliver a well planned lesson and apply it to today. She spent hours preparing for her class each week.
At about the age of 94 she gave up teaching because it made her nervous to have to study so much because she couldn’t remember as much as in the past so she had to study more and write everything she said down. I also recall Stella reading her Bible every single day of her life until her eyesight gave out. She gave her tithe to the church every month for as long as she handled her finances.
Most important of all she lived her life as an example of faith and loved people without judgment for who they were or where they had been. She feed the hungry and gave to the poor. She believed in missions and worked through her church to be a part of that. Stella grew up Methodist but after she and Glee married they joined Logan Street Baptist church. Her dedication to church is certainly a marvel that few people can claim these days, but that is not what impressed me most about Stella. It was her deep and profound Biblical understandings and her attempt to live them out. Stella had read the scriptures, thought about them, talked about them and applied them, to influence the lives of the people she encountered. She was not pushy with her faith, but she was solid in what she believed, and she knew why she believed it. She had encountered God in her life and she would share it when asked. My favorite story is the one she told about the birth of Richard. It apparently was a very tough and long birth. She was very weak and as time would later tell, Richard had been born with a hole in his heart, so he was not the strongest of babies. She says that as she lay in bed after the delivery she looked up and on each of the post of the bed there were 4 angels surrounding the bed. They assured her that everything would be alright. When she told the story she would say, “And I saw those angels just like I see you now.” I’ve never doubted the existence of angels since.
One of Stella’s favorite biblical subjects was heaven. She had read all of the scriptures and knew about the mansions of gold but she believed with all her heart that upon her death that she would be met by Glee and her mother and others that she knew here on earth. They would be there to lead her to Jesus. Once she got to see Jesus she believed she would no longer need to recognize her earthly loved ones because the glory that would surround the presence of God would be such that nothing else would matter. Stella had strongly prayed for about 5 years that God would take her home. Last Monday He answered that prayer and the celebration began for Stella. We are grateful O God, for the 106 plus years we knew Stella on this earth and for the many people whose lives were, and have been changed because of her influence and her profound study and understanding of scriptures. Help us to understand what Stella understood, that finding our way into Your presence is the only thing that matters. We celebrate with Stella knowing that today she is surrounded with thousands of angels as she stands in the presence of the Almighty God!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Last Word - err, Picture
Have no fear, Da Bears Still Suck, but this photo is pretty funny.
 |
| Look, the Packer kid won't let the Bears fans sit with him! |
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Rules for Writerers
I found this gem on Willim Cronon's website for his class History, Geography and Environmental Studies 460, American Environmental History
He also has website on learning to do historical research.
Everyone can benefit their writing from these rules.
"Rules for Writerers" (source unknown)
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
And finally...
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out
He also has website on learning to do historical research.
Everyone can benefit their writing from these rules.
"Rules for Writerers" (source unknown)
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
And finally...
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Headgear recommended?
Labels:
Cottage Grove,
Humor,
Monona,
Schools
So from now on when I post anything related to our local schools, I'm wearing headgear. The problem is - too many choices!
I'm going with aluminium - it's got science behind it.
I'm going with aluminium - it's got science behind it.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Mice with Human Brains? You Fill in the Joke
Labels:
Humor,
State and national Politics
On the off chance that you missed this gem from the tea party's new darling (and GOP nominee in Delaware for the US Senate) Christine O'Donnell, here is a quote:
American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.Sounds crazy, but maybe this explains the Calumet County DA?
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Comment Repeat
Labels:
biking,
Humor,
Monona,
parody,
Random Stuff
Some things are worth repeating. here's a comment from Travis who said...
Doug,
I am seriously worried that Monona's status as a "left-leaning, progressive, socialist utopia" might be seriously, SERIOUSLY in danger due to a lack of focus on the real issue at hand. While we've been concentrating on sustainability, renewable energy and locally grown food, other communities are forging ahead with the *real* catalyst of a workers utopia....
Bicycles.
Yes, that's right. Bicycles. Colorado is currently welcoming their new UN overlords in powder-blue planes with such things as anti-automobile "bike lanes" and freedom-hating "bicycle sharing". They are encouraging companies install showers (free showers!!) so their employees can clean off the sweet smell of Maoism before engaging in their putrid capitalist enterprises. And they're cleverly using all of this to deprive their citizens of basic rights enshrined in the Constitution (like driving a car on *any* portion of the road, etc).
They're obviously trying to hide this shift so that other progressive communities won't be able to find out about it (and steal their ideas) till it's too late, but it's been outed by Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes!!
http://www.denverpost.com/election2010/ci_15673894
Now, my question to you is, what can we do to reclaim the mantle of Most-Left-Leaning-Community-In-The-Country that I know that we all strive for? It's going to have to be something *good*, and not just some little "best library in the state award". Maybe "free bicycles for all paid for by the capitalist oppressors?" Or bicycle-only roads, with the houses along those roads given a bicycle trailer in addition to the free bicycle?
I'm open to suggestions, but we'd better get started on this quickly, other communities might reach the Workers Paradise before we do...
:)
Friday, August 06, 2010
Doug,
I am seriously worried that Monona's status as a "left-leaning, progressive, socialist utopia" might be seriously, SERIOUSLY in danger due to a lack of focus on the real issue at hand. While we've been concentrating on sustainability, renewable energy and locally grown food, other communities are forging ahead with the *real* catalyst of a workers utopia....
Bicycles.
Yes, that's right. Bicycles. Colorado is currently welcoming their new UN overlords in powder-blue planes with such things as anti-automobile "bike lanes" and freedom-hating "bicycle sharing". They are encouraging companies install showers (free showers!!) so their employees can clean off the sweet smell of Maoism before engaging in their putrid capitalist enterprises. And they're cleverly using all of this to deprive their citizens of basic rights enshrined in the Constitution (like driving a car on *any* portion of the road, etc).
They're obviously trying to hide this shift so that other progressive communities won't be able to find out about it (and steal their ideas) till it's too late, but it's been outed by Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes!!
http://www.denverpost.com/election2010/ci_15673894
Now, my question to you is, what can we do to reclaim the mantle of Most-Left-Leaning-Community-In-The-Country that I know that we all strive for? It's going to have to be something *good*, and not just some little "best library in the state award". Maybe "free bicycles for all paid for by the capitalist oppressors?" Or bicycle-only roads, with the houses along those roads given a bicycle trailer in addition to the free bicycle?
I'm open to suggestions, but we'd better get started on this quickly, other communities might reach the Workers Paradise before we do...
:)
Friday, August 06, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Mystery Revealed
Labels:
biking,
Humor,
Monona,
parody,
Random Stuff
Mystery revealed? Naah, but maybe we're gonna get a bicycle lift. Umm, we could install it on Baskerville, just to try it out. Just 10,000NOK/meter (that's about $1600/meter).
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Codfrey Daniels!
Labels:
Humor,
Random Stuff,
Sports
Score goal, reel in fish, pose for photo with trophy fish.
Friday, July 02, 2010
Vote in the Poll or Kiss Guinness Bye Bye
Labels:
Humor,
Monona,
Volunteering,
Words
Hey, wake up! Vote in the poll thingy over to the left. Pick a word. Four lousy ittle votes? For shame Monona. We are not making the Guinness record book if only two of us shout:
"antidisestablishmentarianism!"
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Say Happy Brithday to Old What's-his-name
If you see former alderman Miller today, wish the old guy a happy birthday and pass along these greeting:
Forget about the past, you can't change it.
Forget about the future, you can't predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Mayor Merges Schools and City
Fulfilling a pledge to do all he can to protect the city's future, the Monona Mayor Robb Kahl dissolved the city today and merged it with a new Monona school district. "We will fill the classrooms if we have to assign retired city employees to take some, uhh, continuing education. The seats may be a little tight at first, but we all have to make sacrifices in these times. I expect this will be easier than implementing a new city logo." New Monona Logo Referred to Committee
Alder Doug Wood suggested that some of the new school-city space could be used for urban agriculture classrooms, reviving a year-old proposal to allow backyard water buffaloes. The Next Step Forward
The Mayor related that he had modeled his proposal on one to make the mayor of Milwaukee into a school czar. "I thought, why stop there? I can be czar of the schools and the city!" City attorney Bill 'Rooster' Cole has approved a modified version of the mayor's proposal to eliminate the city council and school board. Cole modified the proposal by allowing the Mayor to convene the council or board "if for some strange reason he ever feels like it".
The entire proposal is pending further medical review. "After all", mused Cole, "who in their right mind would want the responsibility to run the school district and the city?"
Alder Doug Wood suggested that some of the new school-city space could be used for urban agriculture classrooms, reviving a year-old proposal to allow backyard water buffaloes. The Next Step Forward
The Mayor related that he had modeled his proposal on one to make the mayor of Milwaukee into a school czar. "I thought, why stop there? I can be czar of the schools and the city!" City attorney Bill 'Rooster' Cole has approved a modified version of the mayor's proposal to eliminate the city council and school board. Cole modified the proposal by allowing the Mayor to convene the council or board "if for some strange reason he ever feels like it".
The entire proposal is pending further medical review. "After all", mused Cole, "who in their right mind would want the responsibility to run the school district and the city?"
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Sports in Your Shorts
Labels:
Badgers,
Basketball,
Humor,
Monona,
Sports,
State and national Politics,
Wisconsin
Holy Cow! What is going on around here? I caught myself feeling a twinge of interest in the Milwaukee Bucks this morning. (Who knew that the Bucks even have their own web site?) Quick name three Bucks. (Michael Redd doesn't count because he's hurt again.) To paraphrase the words of Jim Mora, "Playoffs?! The Bucks in the Playoffs?".
OK, here's the link: Playoffs??? The Sound Byte or try this web site that is devoted entirely to Jim Mora and his goofy rants: http://jimmoraplayoffs.com/
And the Badger women advanced to the Big 10 semifinals by walloping Purdue, 73-51. Can Wisconsin can knock off #10 Ohio State today? If that happens, don't hurt yourself jumping on the bandwagon. (I'm in danger myself, hanging halfway on, but keeping one foot on the ground).
And then there's this story (that I can post without guilt because I have posted about women's hoops before this incident): Is two games a long enough suspension for doing this? Baylor coach: Griner a remorseful 'gentle giant'. Besides busting up this girl's grill, Griner also happens to be really, really good.
Spring training is and baseball is back with its own brand of goofiness. Barry Zito, the bum, plunked Prince Fielder in his ample hindquarters on Thursday in retaliation for this great stunt - all fall down - the Brewers pulled off....last season.
The greatest fortnight in sports is underway - Championship Week followed by the first two rounds of the NCAA men's tournament.Champ Week 2010 - Men's College Basketball - ESPN
And don't miss Monona's 2010 NCAA Pool. It's free, it's fun (especially if I win) and there's no money involved.
Finally, do kids still play dogpile anymore?
No, not the search engine! And look at that second definition in the Urban Dictionary: a: a literal pile of dogs, b: dog doo, c: what I call a bunch of different kinds of dogs in one setting.
Of course kids no longer play that great American sport and that's just result of America falling under the sway of 1960's left-wing liberal moral relativism, isn't it?
Well, it's all so obvious when you hear it explained by these Deep Thinkers:
OK, here's the link: Playoffs??? The Sound Byte or try this web site that is devoted entirely to Jim Mora and his goofy rants: http://jimmoraplayoffs.com/
***
And the Badger women advanced to the Big 10 semifinals by walloping Purdue, 73-51. Can Wisconsin can knock off #10 Ohio State today? If that happens, don't hurt yourself jumping on the bandwagon. (I'm in danger myself, hanging halfway on, but keeping one foot on the ground).
***
And then there's this story (that I can post without guilt because I have posted about women's hoops before this incident): Is two games a long enough suspension for doing this? Baylor coach: Griner a remorseful 'gentle giant'. Besides busting up this girl's grill, Griner also happens to be really, really good.
***
Spring training is and baseball is back with its own brand of goofiness. Barry Zito, the bum, plunked Prince Fielder in his ample hindquarters on Thursday in retaliation for this great stunt - all fall down - the Brewers pulled off....last season.
***
The greatest fortnight in sports is underway - Championship Week followed by the first two rounds of the NCAA men's tournament.Champ Week 2010 - Men's College Basketball - ESPN
A unique look at who's announcing the games on TV. http://awfulannouncing.blogspot.com/2010/03/your-ncaa-championship-week-announcing.html
And don't miss Monona's 2010 NCAA Pool. It's free, it's fun (especially if I win) and there's no money involved.
***
Finally, do kids still play dogpile anymore?
No, not the search engine! And look at that second definition in the Urban Dictionary: a: a literal pile of dogs, b: dog doo, c: what I call a bunch of different kinds of dogs in one setting.
Of course kids no longer play that great American sport and that's just result of America falling under the sway of 1960's left-wing liberal moral relativism, isn't it?
Well, it's all so obvious when you hear it explained by these Deep Thinkers:
snopes.com: Falwell and Robertson Blame Liberal America
Limbaugh said Virginia Tech shooter "had to be a liberal" | Media ...
Dinesh D'Souza blames liberals for 9/11
Enough already. Molly Ivins sets 'em straight:
(6/23/99) Defending Guns, Blaming Liberals
One final click. Dogpile on the Rabbit (to hear the audio click on dogpile.wav).
Make it one more click to see the Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Jib Jab 2009 in Review
Labels:
Humor,
Presidential Campaign 2008,
Random Stuff
Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
Friday, December 11, 2009
We Will Never Forget You Brent Favre
You heard about it on TV, you've seen it on the radio, err, switch that.
The perfect gift for all those Brett Favre lovers and Packer turncoats out there. And you know who you are.
We Will Never Forget You Brent Favre shirts, funny Packer t-shirts
Posted using ShareThis
Anonymous has pointed out that the above link is to a copycat. Here is the original at Sconnie.com
They do have some other entertaining shirts.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Milwaukee Brewers - The Undead
I attended the Brewers game last night and came back with these observations:
The Brewers are not quite entirely dead yet, so stop wasting your life watching preseason NFL football. With a win yesterday, the Crew are back at .500 and, well, you know, not totally out of the playoffs. Don't crown the Cardinals just yet.
Brewers fans are good fans of the team, but not all that great as baseball fans. Basically they are football fans at a baseball game. For example, the crowd loudly booed the intentional walking of Prince Fielder with one out and runners on second and third, a right-hander on the mound, and Mike Cameron on deck. Please, if Cecil Cooper doesn't walk Fielder, then you should boo.
Alcides Escobar is an exceptional fielder, really fast, and a good baserunner. Whether he can hit is still subject to debate. But, with Escobar at short, Felipe Lopez at second, and Mike Cameron in center, the Brewers defense up the middle has gone from questionable to excellent. That improvement alone will make the pitching staff better.
Brewers management under Mark Attanasio has not been afraid to face up to shortcomings or make excuses. So it is a bit of a mystery why they insist on letting Jason Kendall continue to play everyday. I don't think Mike Rivera could be a bad enough defensive catcher to justify continued at bats for Jason Kendall. He is done as hitter. He has the worst slugging percentage of any regular player in the NL at .279. That's slugging not batting. He has 13 extra-base hits in 334 at bats. He simply does not hit the ball hard and even when he makes good contact, the ball dies just past the infield. Craig Counsell hits the ball harder then Kendall. Kendall used to be a very good hitter. I used to have a few non-gray hairs. Not anymore.
Click on the links.
The Brewers are not quite entirely dead yet, so stop wasting your life watching preseason NFL football. With a win yesterday, the Crew are back at .500 and, well, you know, not totally out of the playoffs. Don't crown the Cardinals just yet.
Brewers fans are good fans of the team, but not all that great as baseball fans. Basically they are football fans at a baseball game. For example, the crowd loudly booed the intentional walking of Prince Fielder with one out and runners on second and third, a right-hander on the mound, and Mike Cameron on deck. Please, if Cecil Cooper doesn't walk Fielder, then you should boo.
Alcides Escobar is an exceptional fielder, really fast, and a good baserunner. Whether he can hit is still subject to debate. But, with Escobar at short, Felipe Lopez at second, and Mike Cameron in center, the Brewers defense up the middle has gone from questionable to excellent. That improvement alone will make the pitching staff better.
Brewers management under Mark Attanasio has not been afraid to face up to shortcomings or make excuses. So it is a bit of a mystery why they insist on letting Jason Kendall continue to play everyday. I don't think Mike Rivera could be a bad enough defensive catcher to justify continued at bats for Jason Kendall. He is done as hitter. He has the worst slugging percentage of any regular player in the NL at .279. That's slugging not batting. He has 13 extra-base hits in 334 at bats. He simply does not hit the ball hard and even when he makes good contact, the ball dies just past the infield. Craig Counsell hits the ball harder then Kendall. Kendall used to be a very good hitter. I used to have a few non-gray hairs. Not anymore.
Click on the links.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
What's That Funky Smell?
Labels:
Fire,
Humor,
Monona,
Public Safety
In case you notice insalubrious amounts of smoke over the 5000 block of Midmoor Road today (Saturday, July 11), have no fear, it's the Monona Fire Department burning down a house. Seems counterintuitive, the Fire Department starting a fire, but practice fires are, of course, an important tool.
By the way, the title of this post is a paraphrase from an old Richard Pryor skit that is roll around on the floor funny and also contains biting social commentary as well as insalubrious amounts of profanity, insensitivity, vulgarity, and other bad-ity's. I think he apologized for this type of humor later in his life - after his near death experience left him disfigured and sober in all senses of the word - and not real funny. The skit contains enough F-bombs and N-words to start a war. The transcript is here, but do not complain to me if you click on it and are offended.
***
By the way, the title of this post is a paraphrase from an old Richard Pryor skit that is roll around on the floor funny and also contains biting social commentary as well as insalubrious amounts of profanity, insensitivity, vulgarity, and other bad-ity's. I think he apologized for this type of humor later in his life - after his near death experience left him disfigured and sober in all senses of the word - and not real funny. The skit contains enough F-bombs and N-words to start a war. The transcript is here, but do not complain to me if you click on it and are offended.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Prepare to be Offended
Labels:
Environment,
Humor,
Random Stuff
Fair warning: Insalubrious material ahead!
If you click on these links, you are likely to be offended....and you may wet your merkin, umm, if you wear one. Put your coffee down.
If you click on these links, you are likely to be offended....and you may wet your merkin, umm, if you wear one. Put your coffee down.
The merkin - Scotland's gift to humor (well, one of them anyway). Does Lee Corso wear one?
The Straight Dope: What is a merkin?
And then there is this hilariously tasteless bit on hypospadia.
And yeah there is a serious side to this one as discussed by Nicholas Kristof.
Alas, I don't think there is a serious side to merkins although the folks at alt.usage.english newsgroup gives a good try. Maybe George Bush was actually pulling a fast one and actually meant refer to his fellow citizens as 'my fellow merkins'!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Underground Fun
If you remember the Sixties (or if you've forgotten large chunks of the Sixties or if you've only heard about the Sixties) you should truck on down to the Chazen Museum of Art to see Underground Classics: The Transformation of Comics into Comix, 1963–1990. The show runs through July 12, 2009. Details
Not only did these artists break ground in social and political commentary, but they also changed the business of comics by retaining intellectual property rights over their work rather than selling them to the publisher.
The show includes an amazing array of underground comix, including R. Crumb, Gilbert Shelton, and a garboonfull of others. The show includes the iconic "A Short History of America". (History of America, Crumb)
It is not for the little kiddies, however, unless you want to answer a lot of awkward questions. I was quite surprised to find that the exhibit includes one of my favorite comix that involves, well, I can't adequately describe it, but suffice to say it is outrageous, gross, and blatantly sexual. Go the show and guess which one it is.
The Chazen is located at 800 University Avenue, Madison.
Gallery Hours:
Tuesday – Friday 9 am - 5 pm
Saturday – Sunday 11 am - 5 pm
Related stuff:
Crumb / Zap Comix and other Covers
More 60's stuff:
Take the Vietnam War Pop Quiz
Sixties Project Home Page
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