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When Winston Churchill, who liked a few, ran into Socialist Parliament member Bessie Braddock (Battling Bessie - TIME) at a party she said, "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk."
To which he replied, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."
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An exchange between Churchill and Virginia-born Nancy, Lady Astor:
"Winston, if you were my husband I'd put poison in your coffee."
"If you were my wife, Nancy, I'd drink it."
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Lady Astor, his nemesis, was speaking to the House of Commons on agriculture when Churchill interrupted, saying "I'll make a bet she doesn't even know how many toes a pig has."
Replied Lady Astor: "Why don't you take off your little shoosies, and we'll count them together."
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The 18th-century political reformer John Wilkes was in a heated exchange with John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia), who shouted "I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox" (venereal disease).
Wilkes replied, "That sir, depends on whether I embrace your Lordship's principles or your Lordship's mistress."
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"A sheep in sheep's clothing." - Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee
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"He says he works out because it clears his mind. Sometimes just a little too much." - Jay Leno on George W Bush (George W Bush is the AntiChrist !)
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Of William Jennings Bryan, politician David Houston (David F. Houston - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) said, “One could drive a schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact.”
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Jonathan Aitken had this description for what he considered Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's ignorance of the Middle East: “She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus.”
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"The Hon. leader of the Opposition knows all about butts. He has had his hands on more butts than there are members of this House." – Transport Minister John Crosbie in November 1987 to Liberal Leader John Turner. Crosbie is referring to Turner's 1984 election campaign gaffe on TV when he was caught slapping Liberal MP's Iona Campagnolo's bum.
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And, better still, when asked to distinguish between a misfortune and a calamity Disraeli said: “If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune. If anybody pulled him out, that, I suppose, would be a calamity.”
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About Baroness Thatcher. “When she speaks without thinking,” mused Lord St John of Fawsley, “she says what she thinks.”
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"There but for the grace of God goes God” Winston Churchill on Sir Stafford Cripps.
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George Bernard Shaw send Churchill two tickets to the opening night of his new play, with a note saying, "Bring a friend, if you have one." Churchill returned the tickets with a note saying, "Can't be there first night. Will be there second night, if there is one."
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One could not even dignify him with the name of stuffed shirt. He was simply a hole on the air. - - - George Orwell (about Stanley Baldwin)
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How can they tell? - - - Dorothy Parker (hearing of Calvin Coolidge's death)
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He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. - - - Alice Roosevelt Longworth (about Calvin Coolidge)
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To err is Truman. - - - A popular joke in 1946
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Oh, if I could piss the way he speaks! - - - Georges Clemenceau (about David Lloyd George)
Elizabethan insult kit on the internet
I like the one that goes something like this....and I don't remember the name of the playwright, but he sent Chuchill two tickets to opening night of his play and invited Churchill to bring a friend, "if you have one" and Churchill replied back with a note that said something the effect, of "can't make it opening night, but I"ll be there for the second night, if you have one."
ReplyDeleteThat was george Bernard Shaw, which is in the post (I know it's a long list).
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the Clemenceau quote about Lloyd George is funnier if you know that the French politician was in his 70's and likely suffering from plumbing problems when he dealt with the famously eloquent and loquacious Lloyd George in the aftermath of WWI.