Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Who Do the Doo-Doo Belong To?

I have proposed that Monona amend its ordinances to allow dogs in city parks if on a leash. Seems like a modest enough proposal, possibly even reasonable. But others say, "Ah-ha! What if reckless dog owners allow their dog to do more than just take a walk in the park? What if they let Fido take a dump in the park? And what if these owners then exit the park leaving said doo-doo behind, so to speak?"

Well, letting your dog do his bidness in a public park and not cleaning up violates city ordinances now and would still violate the ordinances. I'm just proposing to allow leashed dogs in the parks. I'm not proposing to allow owners to leave their dogs poo in the park.

"Ah, yes, but if you let people walk their dogs in the park, scofflaws will flock to the parks en masse to deposit mass quantities of sh*t!"

Capitalism and government regulation to the rescue! Require DNA testing of a dog's poop as a condition of getting a license! (Feel free to smack your forehead at this point.). Dog poop found in the parks could be tested and if it's your dog's doo, buddy, you are gonna pay!

Yes, believe it or not, DNA testing of dog poop is a growing industry. As a lawyer, my mouth waters at the thought of a new source of litigation. Just think of the chain of custody issues alone!


For the humor-impaired, I am not proposing forensic analysis of dog poopas a condition of getting a (dog license.)


  1. The majority of use in many of our parks is by dog walkers anyway (including me). Might as well legalize it. Some of the parks should be re-purposed as dog parks.

  2. Ugh, good comment until you 're-purposed'.

  3. Rooster T. CogburnFriday, September 02, 2011

    Would the city clerk or police chief be in charge of the forensic analysis?

  4. "Would the city clerk or police chief be in charge of the forensic analysis?"

    Given that this constitutes a legal matter it falls within the purview of the office of the city attorney.

  5. Rooster T. CogburnTuesday, September 06, 2011

    Res ipsa poopitor. Latin for "the poop speaks for itself"