Rules for Writerers

I found this gem on Willim Cronon's website for his class History, Geography and Environmental Studies 460, American Environmental History

He also has website on learning to do historical research.


Everyone can benefit their writing from these rules.


"Rules for Writerers" (source unknown)



1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.


2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.


3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.


4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.


5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)


6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.


7. Be more or less specific.


8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.


9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.


10. No sentence fragments.


11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.


12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.


13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.


14. One should NEVER generalize.


15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.


16. Don't use no double negatives.


17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.


18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.


19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.


20. The passive voice is to be ignored.


21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.


22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.


23. Kill all exclamation points!!!


24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.


25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.


26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.


27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."


28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.


29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.


30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.


31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.


32. Who needs rhetorical questions?


33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.


34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.


And finally...


35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out

Comment Repeat

Some things are worth repeating. here's a comment from Travis who said...


Doug,

I am seriously worried that Monona's status as a "left-leaning, progressive, socialist utopia" might be seriously, SERIOUSLY in danger due to a lack of focus on the real issue at hand. While we've been concentrating on sustainability, renewable energy and locally grown food, other communities are forging ahead with the *real* catalyst of a workers utopia....

Bicycles.

Yes, that's right. Bicycles. Colorado is currently welcoming their new UN overlords in powder-blue planes with such things as anti-automobile "bike lanes" and freedom-hating "bicycle sharing". They are encouraging companies install showers (free showers!!) so their employees can clean off the sweet smell of Maoism before engaging in their putrid capitalist enterprises. And they're cleverly using all of this to deprive their citizens of basic rights enshrined in the Constitution (like driving a car on *any* portion of the road, etc).

They're obviously trying to hide this shift so that other progressive communities won't be able to find out about it (and steal their ideas) till it's too late, but it's been outed by Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes!!

http://www.denverpost.com/election2010/ci_15673894

Now, my question to you is, what can we do to reclaim the mantle of Most-Left-Leaning-Community-In-The-Country that I know that we all strive for? It's going to have to be something *good*, and not just some little "best library in the state award". Maybe "free bicycles for all paid for by the capitalist oppressors?" Or bicycle-only roads, with the houses along those roads given a bicycle trailer in addition to the free bicycle?

I'm open to suggestions, but we'd better get started on this quickly, other communities might reach the Workers Paradise before we do...

:)

Friday, August 06, 2010

Mystery Revealed

Mystery revealed? Naah, but maybe we're gonna get a bicycle lift. Umm, we could install it on Baskerville, just to try it out. Just 10,000NOK/meter (that's about $1600/meter).

LeBron James Signs with....Miami?!

Update - Friday July 8. So, Lebron opted for the big money, bright lights, fame, and NBA championships after all and jilted Monona Rec League hoopsters for the Miami Heat. Turns out Lebron thought he city was going to pay him to play rather than charge him a $30 fee to play. A last minute offer by the city to waive the fee fell short of Miami's unspecified free agent offer. The nerve.

Lebron added that he couldn't pass up the chance to play with NBA all-stars Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh, although he conceded that the Monona league did have "a couple guys who played JV in college and aren't too bad."

***

Original post:

An exclusive item: LeBron James will stun the sporting world tonight on ESPN when he anounces that he is signing up with the City of Monona Park & Rec's Adult Open Basketball League. LeBron says he just is sick and tired of all the high-profile attention, large piles of money, and fawning fans.He hopes the players in Monona will just treat him like a regular guy.

Mayor Merges Schools and City

Fulfilling a pledge to do all he can to protect the city's future, the Monona Mayor Robb Kahl dissolved the city today and merged it with a new Monona school district. "We will fill the classrooms if we have to assign retired city employees to take some, uhh, continuing education. The seats may be a little tight at first, but we all have to make sacrifices in these times. I expect this will be easier than implementing a new city logo." New Monona Logo Referred to Committee

Alder Doug Wood suggested that some of the new school-city space could be used for urban agriculture classrooms, reviving a year-old proposal to allow backyard water buffaloes. The Next Step Forward 

The Mayor related that he had modeled his proposal on one to make the mayor of Milwaukee into a school czar. "I thought, why stop there? I can be czar of the schools and the city!" City attorney Bill 'Rooster' Cole has approved a modified version of the mayor's proposal to eliminate the city council and school board. Cole modified the proposal by allowing the Mayor to convene the council or board "if for some strange reason he ever feels like it".


The entire proposal is pending further medical review. "After all", mused Cole, "who in their right mind would want the responsibility to run the school district and the city?"

Underground Fun

If you remember the Sixties (or if you've forgotten large chunks of the Sixties or if you've only heard about the Sixties) you should truck on down to the Chazen Museum of Art to see Underground Classics: The Transformation of Comics into Comix, 1963–1990. The show runs through July 12, 2009. Details


Not only did these artists break ground in social and political commentary, but they also changed the business of comics by retaining intellectual property rights over their work rather than selling them to the publisher.

The show includes an amazing array of underground comix, including R. Crumb, Gilbert Shelton, and a garboonfull of others. The show includes the iconic "A Short History of America". (History of America, Crumb)

It is not for the little kiddies, however, unless you want to answer a lot of awkward questions. I was quite surprised to find that the exhibit includes one of my favorite comix that involves, well, I can't adequately describe it, but suffice to say it is outrageous, gross, and blatantly sexual. Go the show and guess which one it is.

The Chazen is located at 800 University Avenue, Madison.

Gallery Hours:

Tuesday – Friday 9 am - 5 pm
Saturday – Sunday 11 am - 5 pm

Related stuff:

Buy R. Crumb stuff

Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

Zap Comix - Pop-Cult.Com

Crumb / Zap Comix and other Covers


More 60's stuff:

Take the Vietnam War Pop Quiz

Sixties Project Home Page

The Next Step Forward

Introduction. I received this proposal from the anonymous guest blogger and let me say that it struck me as very strange at first and it will no doubt stir things up, but after I did some research, I found that this idea is not all that crazy. I know that some people who said "what's next, goats!?" in response to the proposed chicken-keeping ordinance are going to say "I told you so". Well, so be it. We must not be deterred from pursuing new ideas by the narrow thinking from yesteryear.

This proposal will contribute to our community sustainability, transit service, local food, a new event for the festival, and tourism. -Doug

And now the anonymous guest blogger returns with a modest proposal:





Since the proposed backyard chicken ordinance has been welcomed with nary a peep of opposition, I thought it is high time that we invite Backyard Water Buffalo (Bubalus bubalis backyardus) into our fair city. It's the latest thing in the local food movement.

As explained below, if allowing full-sized water buffalo is too radical, there are mini-water buffalo that many think are better-suited to urban living. And no, this is not a 'Madison idea'; more like a Rangoon idea.


Not ready to go the Full Buffalo? Try the Manchurian Miniature Water Buffalo or Bubalus cebuensis backyardus. OK, these little fellas are harder to find - some science guys seem to think they are extinct. Ancient Miniature Buffalo Discovered LiveScience. Actually, they are small enough to live indoors. Add dirt to your spare bathtub and voila, miniature indoor mud wallow.

Or try the little and little-known tamaraw (Bubalus mindorensis backyardus) Little Known Asian Animals With a Promising Economic Future: Part ...

Backyard water buffalo is yummy - many people say it 'tastes like chicken' - and healthy - it's wayyyy lower in fats and bad stuff than beef cattle or pork. Calories in water buffalo meat, cooked, roasted - Nutrition Facts ...

While the Backyard Water Buffalo Movement is in its nascent stages, they already allow water buffalo in Milwaukee (and, duh, not just at the zoo!). Water Buffalo Restaurant and Bar Milwaukee - 249 Water Street ... And there's even an American association and everything: American Water Buffalo Association. That's AWBA for short.

There are two main types: Swamp buffaloes from China and River buffaloes from India. I'm leaning towards River Buffaloes because of their way cool curled horns. Think this little fellow's face might be a crime deterrent!?




Plus, River Buffaloes are also known for their dairy products and meat production. Whoa, pets with bennies. And as the AWBA says, they "hold their heads high". And well they should.

The mind boggles at what this movement could do for Monona. I mean, it would put Monona on the map...well, we're already on most maps, but this could even get us our own zip code - ahhh, the Holy Grail.





And, water buffalo contribute to a sustainable lifestyle. No more sending away to far off Vermont for a bit of water buffalo yogurt. Bufala di Vermont water buffalo cheese, yogurt, and specialty meats.






That's not all, folks, your water buffalo can also provide transportation for those personal trips - short or long.





But, aren't water buffalo mean, nasty, and vicious? Heck no! According to a sciency Internet guy who seems to know what he's talking about:

"The domesticated water buffalo is one of the gentlest of all farm animals. Despite an intimidating appearance, it is more like a household pet-sociable, gentle, and serene...

Millions of water buffaloes are managed in 'backyards' in Asia. Management and expenditures are minimal. Care of the family buffalo is usually entrusted to children, old people, or women not engaged in other farm duties.

The buffalo fits the resources available on the farm, but it is also an urban animal. Thousands of herds of 2-20 buffaloes may be found in the cities and towns of India, Pakistan, and Egypt-all fed, managed, and milked in the streets."

Want more fun factoids? The Water Buffalo: New Prospects For An Underutilized Animal (1984 ...

Respect your neighbors and protect your pet. The proposed water buffalo ordinance strikes a delicate balance between personal liberty and nosy, meddling neighbors. To keep everyone happy, including your very own pet backyard water buff, please follow these provisions of the proposed water buffalo keeping ordinance:

• Provide a wallow at least 40' square feet and no deeper than 4'.


• Alternatively, use sprinklers or buckets of water to cool your pet.


• Keep your wallow no closer than 7' from your lot line.


• Maintain the proper mud/water balance in your pet's wallow.


• Milk your pet in the backyard only.

Remember: High temperatures can cause infertility and loss of libido in bulls.

Move over Wife Carry! And we could just have a new event for the Monona Festival: Extreme Water Buffalo Racing Challenge Japan Probe

***

Next up: Backyard Elephants. Hey, if crummy old Thailand can do it, so can we ! Yes, we can!

Urban Giants See the plight of Thailand's domesticated street elephants in this multimedia feature.

Dog Latin

From an anonymous guest blogger:

It has come to my attention that a local elected official here in BoxTown proposes to allow the keeping of Canis lupus familiaris in an urban setting. This is an outrage!

Now, it is possible that I am mistaken because I often get confused.

I was raised on a farm (inside the farmhouse, dear, not in the barn!) and I know a thing or two about our friend Canis lupus familiaris. Let me tell you - dogs not only poop, but they also eat poop. Now, some may praise this behavior as the ultimate in sustainability, but to me it is simply disgusting.

Having consumed said doo or scat, the dog is likely to share the experience with you by means of planting a wet sloppy lick. Blechh. And they say that dogs don't have germs!

And there's the poop that they don't manage to recycle. What do you propose to do with that? Compost it? Not unless you enjoy hookworms in broccoli. Put in my precious landfill?! Have you lost your mind? Does a dog produce anything? We should fill up our landfill just so you can have an animal to keep you company? Sheesh.

Dogs have also been known to bite once or twice; actually 4.7 million times with 800,000 bites requiring medical attention. ON the other hand, sometimes dogs bite cats, so they do contribute something to society.

Now, most people who want to keep these beasts will no doubt be responsible owners. But, we all know there will be the few irresponsible owners who let their dog bark all night and poop in your yard. Can we possibly risk this intrusion on the good life in BoxTown?

Some dogs have been known to dig, dig, dig, useful if you needed a tunnel to escape East Berlin in the 60's, but otherwise not so much. Other dogs like to jump on people - oops, tipped over the old lady again. Some dogs chase cars (fortunately, few dogs catch cars).

What's that you say? There are 78 million dogs in America? So what?! Are we sheep?! BoxTown can lead the nation to a dog-free society. You want a dog? How dare you intrude on my right not to be bothered by your poop-eating mongrel! You want a dog? Move!

***

As the Harvard marching band says, "Illegitimum non carborundum est".